With no apologies to Clint Eastwood, whatsoever.
So I've got God sitting here. And I was going to ask a couple of questions. But I remember five thousand seven hundred and sixty-three years ago, when God created the world and God was turning stuff that was void and without form into mountains, oceans, animals and people—and I was not a big supporter. God was talking about justice and compassion and about redemption and love. It seemed great then. Everyone was crying about how beautiful creation was then. Even I was crying.
But I have been crying even harder since I found out that there are still millions of human beings suffering in this creation. This world that God called "good" way back then, it turns out, is not always so good.
So, God, how do You handle promises that You made when You were full of optimism about creation that You have not been able to keep? What do You say when people ask You about disease, war, earthquakes, biochemical weapons and AIDS? Did somebody else create those? How do You handle that? How do You—You know—account for the mess that the world is today?
Well, I know even Your own supporters were very disappointed when You didn't stop the genocides in Armenia, Cambodia, Rwanda, Bosnia-Herzegovina and Sudan—not to mention Chelmno, Sobibor, Treblinka and Aushwitz. We had so much faith in You. But when we look at all the death, misery and… What do you mean, "Shut up"?
Okay. We thought, maybe it was part of some larger plan, but I've got to to hand it to You, God. I have to give credit where credit is due. You did also give us sunshine, flowers, food to eat and the earth to live on—but did You also have to give us scoliosis, television commercials, 21 flavors of Doritos, lawyers and Donald Trump?
I know You denounce evil—sometimes You even call evil an "abhorrence"—and that's okay. But You once thought slavery was a good idea. You said that a man who raped an unmarried woman should be required to marry her. You even commanded us to kill—down to the very last woman, child and animal—the people who lived in the land You gave us. Can You admit now that that was not such a good idea? Those are not such popular statements today, and they're killing Your polling numbers. It is something to be thought about. I think, yeah… No, I am not going to shut up. It's my turn to speak now.
So anyway, we're going to have to have a little chat about that in two weeks. You're asking me to ask You for forgiveness on Rosh Hashanah? That just doesn't seem right when You have stuff like this on Your record. That's crazy. You're absolutely crazy. You're sounding like a bad Sunday school teacher.
You sound like a lawyer. You know, they're always taught to argue everything, and always weigh everything—weigh both sides. They are always being a devil's advocate and finding bad things in good people. You know all that stuff. But, I think it is maybe time—what do you think—for maybe a more compassionate approach. How about that?
A God of compassion. A God who is stellar at forgiveness, not fault-finding. And I think it's that time. I think you should just let Your judging side step aside and let forgiveness kind of take over. The judgment side can still get to sit on a throne and wear a crown—maybe a smaller one, though. But let the compassion and forgiveness run the show from now own.
After all, You are a God who likes to forgive, right? Why would you want to be punishing people all the time, especially after all the pain and suffering You have caused?
Tell You what. I'll make a deal with You. If You will forgive me and all the people all over the world for all the mistakes we've made—all the bad choices, and all the hurt we've caused each other, and all the hurt we've done to ourselves—then, maybe, we'll forgive You, too. How does that sound? Do we have a deal?
OK, well anyway. All right, I'm sorry. Just…think about it.