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Searching for How the Bible Defines Marriage

8/2/2012

 
Back in May, I wrote a post about what the Hebrew Bible says about marriage and how we should respond to the Bible's message. Much to my surprise, that post has gotten, by far, the most hits of any post I have ever put on this blog. Almost all of those hits have come from people who searched Google for something like, "What is the biblical definition of marriage?"
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Clearly, there are a lot of people who are searching for that definition. If that is how you got to this page, let me just give you the quick answer: The Bible does not give any single, clear definition of marriage. 

So, as a public service, I offer an analysis of some of the biblical passages that are sometimes offered as evidence of a biblical definition of marriage. As I stated in my earlier post, I do not present this as a way of promoting what marriage "ought to be." The Bible's understanding of marriage is very different from that of the modern world. Marriage has changed many times throughout the centuries. Those who seek to enforce "biblical marriage" today are ignoring thousands of years of history and change.

Here goes:

Genesis 2:20-24
The man named all the cattle, birds of the sky, and wild animals, but no match was found for a man. Adonai God cast a deep sleep upon the man and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh in its place. Adonai God fashioned the rib that God had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. The man said, "This time [God has brought me] bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I will call this one 'woman,' since she was taken from 'man.'" That is why a man leaves his mother and father and attaches himself to his woman so they will be one flesh. (Genesis 2:21-24)

This is the most common passage offered as evidence of a biblical definition of marriage, although, usually only the last verse is cited. When you read the whole story, though, it is clear that this passage is not about marriage. 

This story is an etiology, a story that explains how the world came to be the way it is. The purpose of the story is to explain why human beings appear in two different forms, male and female. God determined that the man needed a match, a partner who was his equal. (The common translation "helper" or "helpmeet" is incorrect. The word ezer means "strength" or "power" in Biblical Hebrew, not "help.") God had to fashion a new being for the man from the man's own body, since none of the newly created animals could match him. That being was named "woman" (ishah) because she was taken from "man" (ish). 

The story also explains why men seek out women and why "he attaches himself to his woman to form one flesh" (I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out what that's talking about). The story explains that this desire to connect bodies is an impulse that overrides even a man's attachment to his parents. 

This passage does not define anything. Rather, it is an explanation of why the world is as we see it. There are two kinds of human beings who are made out of the same stuff and, because of that, they are attracted to each other in sexual union.

It is interesting that this, of all verses, is used to suggest that human beings should only partner with people who are unlike themselves, when the clear meaning is that the man and woman are right for each other because they are the same. Also, the passage makes no reference to having children. It cannot be argued from this verse that the sole purpose of sexual union is procreation.

Exodus 20:13 and Deuteronomy 5:17
You are not to murder, you are not to commit adultery, you are not to steal, and you are not to give false witness regarding your neighbor.

This verse (which appears both in Exodus and Deuteronomy) contains four of the Ten Commandments, including the prohibition on adultery. The problem for us is that the Bible's definition of adultery is different from ours. Throughout the Hebrew Bible, adultery is defined as sex between a man and a woman who is married or betrothed to someone else. (This is best exemplified by Deuteronomy 22:22). Nowhere does the Hebrew Bible prohibit a married man from having sex with an unmarried woman, except that he may be required to marry her and/or pay a dowery to her father (Exodus 22:15). (Remember that polygamy is normal and accepted in the culture of ancient Israel). The only definition of marriage that we can glean from this is that marriage affords the husband exclusive sexual rights to his wife, but not the other way around.

Malachi 2:12-16
May Adonai cut off the person who [marries a non-Israelite woman] from all living descendants, from the Tent of Jacob, and from making offerings to Adonai of Hosts…If you ask why, it is because Adonai has witnessed you and the wife of your youth with whom you have broken faith even though she is your partner and the woman to whom you are covenanted. Did not the One make everything and the remnant of the breath of life is His? What does the One desire but the seed of God? So be careful with your life and do not break faith with the wife of your youth, says Adonai the God of Israel, for I despise divorce and covering yourself with lawlessness like a garment, says Adonai of Hosts, so be careful with your life and do not break faith.

Again, most people leave out the first part of the passage that makes the rest of it sensible. In context, the passage is talking about a man who has sought a second wife who is a non-Israelite and neglected or divorced his Israelite wife. The relationship to the first wife is referred to as a covenant because that is what it is—an agreement in which both parties have obligations to each other. Covenant, though, does not necessarily mean "holy." There are plenty of "unholy" covenants in the Hebrew Bible (e.g., Genesis 21:32, I Samuel 11:1, Obadiah 7). 

That is about as far as you can go in finding a definition of marriage here. Marriage is a covenant, a mutual agreement between two parties. There is no suggestion that marriage is an arrangement exclusively between "one man and one woman." In fact, the passage presupposes that a man might take a second wife while keeping the first. There are plenty of polygamous men in the Hebrew Bible and having many wives is generally considered a sign of prestige in the Hebrew Bible (for example, Jacob and David). Only Solomon is criticized for his many wives and that is because they led him to worship foreign gods, not because of their large number.

There is a bigger picture here, though. The passage in Malachi has to be understood as part of a metaphor that appears in many of the prophetic books of the Bible. The prophets repeatedly compare the covenant between God and Israel to the covenant between a husband and wife. This passage is unusual only in that the usual gender roles are reversed. Here, Israel is in the role of the metaphorical husband, not the wife. The image of a man abandoning his Israelite wife for a non-Israelite woman is a metaphor for Israel abandoning God and worshipping foreign gods. Marriage and divorce are not the real subject here, rather, the subject is loyalty to God and apostasy.

Also, this passage, in its original context, is not a prohibition of divorce. Divorce was an accepted and regulated act in the Hebrew Bible (see Deuteronomy 24:1-4). The meaning of "I despise divorce" should be understood in the context of the passage—God despises the abandonment of an Israelite wife for a non-Israelite. It is considered an act of lawlessness. 

In the Greek Scriptures (New Testament), Jesus says that Moses allowed divorce only as a regrettable concession to human nature (Matthew 19:3-6, Mark 10:2-9). This was a minority view among the early rabbis, but the majority favored a liberal interpretation in which a man could divorce his wife for any reason, but he would be required then to provide for her upkeep. Whether divorce is regrettable or not, it clearly is permitted in the Hebrew Bible.

John 2:1-11
On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding…

A rabbi may not be the best person to ask for an explanation of a passage from the Greek Scriptures (New Testament), but this passage comes up so often as a supposed source of a "biblical definition of marriage" that it has to be mentioned. I am not going to look at every passage in the Greek Scriptures that refers to marriage because, frankly, I have no great knowledge of it. I offer this as a non-Christian looking with scholarly interest at a Christian text.

This passage is mentioned at many Christian wedding ceremonies for one reason: It is the only place in the Jewish or Christian Bible that even mentions a wedding ceremony. Jesus was invited to a wedding and, in a metaphor for redemption, he performed there the miracle of turning water into wine. He observed that the wine steward served the inferior wine first and saved the good wine for later. The purpose of the story is to offer "the first sign" of Jesus' divinity. Just as Jesus miraculously transformed ordinary water into the drink of celebration on the third day, he eventually will miraculously transform sin into redemption on the third day after the crucifixion. The comment about the "good wine" serves to reinforce the redemption message—after this inferior world comes a world that is better.

The wedding is just the background for the story. It is a metaphor for the heavenly banquet that will accompany the world's redemption. To claim that this story offers anything like a "definition of marriage" would be like claiming that the parable of the bags of gold in Matthew is a lesson on finance.

A better passage to cite for the Greek Scriptures' attitude toward marriage might be I Corinthians 7:1, in which Paul advises that "It is well for a man not to touch a woman." Paul and the early church, it could be argued, were skeptical of marriage. Since they believed that the messianic redemption of the world was soon at hand, they thought it best for men not to distract themselves with the physical pleasures of marriage and to focus instead on God. This is a break from rabbinic Judaism which actually requires men in different professions to satisfy the sexual needs of their wives accordingly (B. Ketubot 61b).

What Does It Mean?
If a person wanted to offer an honest, historical definition of marriage based on the Hebrew Bible, it might be something like this: 

Biblical marriage is a mutual agreement between two families to have the son of one family acquire a woman of the other family as a wife, perhaps among his other wives. Marriage can also be coerced, as in the case of military conquest (Deuteronomy 21:10-14) or rape (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). It can also be effected when a man is required to marry the childless widow of his dead brother (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). Marriage gives the man exclusive sexual rights to the woman and marriage can be ended unilaterally if the man divorces his wife.

Doesn't sound too appealing, does it? Over time, the definition of marriage has changed for Jews and for Christians in a process that has sometimes been purposeful and intentional, and sometimes has just been a response to changing social mores. 

The rabbis of the Talmud intentionally changed the ground rules for marriage when they instituted the Ketubah (marriage contract) to prevent men from leaving their wives destitute following a divorce. Judaism and Christianity both gradually adopted a standard of monogamy from about the 7th to the 10th centuries. The acceptance of marriage as an institution in which men and women have equal rights did not appear until the 19th and 20th centuries. Marriage has changed.

In our own times, most western societies recognize a distinction between religious marriage and civil marriage. Marriages solemnized under religious authorities today in the United States are becoming less prevalent. Many people today choose only a civil marriage, an arrangement that is generally accepted by society as a whole. 

Given that different religions in our society do not agree among themselves on a single definition of marriage, it makes sense that the standards for civil marriage need not conform to the standards of any one religion. What the Bible says about marriage may be important for different Christian and Jewish communities. It need not be decisive, though, for choosing a societal standard for civil marriage.

We should ask, "What standard for marriage would recognize the loving and committed relationships that society wishes to promote?" "What standard would create the greatest happiness and fulfillment for society as a whole?" Those, in the end, are better questions for determining a standard for civil marriage than the question, "What does the Bible say?"


Other Posts on This Topic:
What Does the Bible Say about Marriage? What Should We Say?
Weddings


Ilana DeBare link
8/2/2012 04:32:41 pm

Yashar koach! What a fascinating, thoughtful post.

Dean
10/14/2012 03:57:53 pm

“For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.”

—Romans 1:26-27 (NKJV)“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”
—1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NKJV)

“Knowing this: that the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine,”
—1 Timothy 1:9-10 (NKJV)

Wow! in these three passages it is clear that acts of homosexuality is lumped right in there with murderers, kidnappers, and thieves. So unless the two women or two men getting married never plan on consummating there union by committing acts of homosexuality then I would say Go for it. But you and I know that would not be the case. It is one thing to tolerate sin in the church ( AKA gossip ) while trying to stop it, but to blatantly support and promote it is something all together different.

daen
10/14/2012 04:02:30 pm

These three references indicate that homosexual passions and acts are unnatural, shameful, contrary to sound doctrine and deny entrance to the Kingdom of God. This being so they cannot be the basis of a Christian marriage sanctioned by God’s Church. The Church exists to save people, not to bless the means of their damnation. No marriage can be sanctioned by the Church if the very basis of the marriage involves acts that put the couple outside of eternal salvation. No matter what our society may legislate, the law of God is clear - that a marriage is not a godly marriage if it is a same sex union.

Reb Jeff link
10/17/2012 02:05:44 am

Dean,

I responded to the nearly identical comment you left on the post, "What Does the Bible Say About Marriage? What Should We Say?" You can read it there.

In a nutshell, the three passages you cite from the New Testament are not really talking about anything that we might associate with same-sex marriage today. Those marriages are unions between loving couples who wish to make a lifetime commitment to each other and who seek public recognition for their commitment. These passages are referring to wild, orgiastic sex with no commitment, no compassion, and no acceptance of social convention. Just as heterosexual sexuality can be consensual or coercive, loving or hurtful, so can homosexual sexuality. The Bible knows what it is talking about, and here it is clearly talking about the kind of animalistic orgies that were practiced by the Roman aristocracy, not loving relationships.

There is no doubt that both the Hebrew Bible and the Greek Scriptures have a negative view of same-sex sexuality and it does associate gay and lesbian sex with orgies. That makes sense if you consider the setting of multiple participants of both genders in indiscriminate copulation. But it would be shameful and hateful to conflate that image with the reality of contemporary gay and lesbian couples who want the complete opposite -- lifetime commitment, responsibility, love, family, children, compassion, spiritual and ethical living.

Reb Rachel link
8/3/2012 02:37:16 am

This is at once wonderful, comprehensive, and hilarious. Wonderful and comprehensive because you're explicating some fascinating texts with which I suspect most readers aren't so familiar; and hilarious because the whole notion of basing my modern marriage (or any of the marriages at which I am blessed to officiate) on any of these is, um, more than a little far-fetched.

Kol hakavod!

Theodora
11/12/2012 03:58:06 am

Because this blog seems to be more about homosexuality then marriage I like to suggest a good resource at
www.soulforce.org

It has a pamphlet called:
What the Bible Says-and Doesn’t Say-about Homosexuality

Jennifer
2/11/2013 10:55:50 am

The Lord put on my heart to send this post this Scripture.
So what did I learn from this encounter? Proverbs 26:4 says, "Do not answer the foolish arguments of fools or you will become as foolish as they are (NLT)." In other words, we should attempt to rebuke and correct, but when you see your answers falling on deaf ears, cease and move on. They do not have ears to hear so you are just wasting your breath and/or time.
As the Bible clearly says a marriage is between a man and a woman. End of story.

Reb Jeff link
2/11/2013 11:50:35 am

Dear Jennifer,

I appreciate your persistence, but not your repetition. You said the same thing on the post: http://www.rebjeff.com/1/post/2012/05/what-does-the-bible-say-about-marriage-what-should-we-say.html.

Your claim that "The Bible clearly says a marriage is between a man and a woman" is clearly false. Nothing close to that statement appears anywhere in the Bible.

I believe that your Bible does state, "Judge not, that you be not judged" (Matthew 7:1). But why would you listen to a fool?

Reb Jeff

George
4/4/2013 09:37:32 am

CLEARLY, WHERE ???
I believe only in our minds to justify what we have been persuaded to believe!

holygeo

Becky
6/26/2013 04:26:22 pm

Jennifer, You better be quiet. God won't be happy if you are asserting yourself over a man...

"I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet" Timothy 2:12.

Stephanie
3/29/2013 07:06:43 am

Excellent article and even better responses. Thank you for your insight.

Kristina
3/30/2013 04:45:43 am

Reb.Jeff - Your treatment of this subject is so very insightful and informative - thank you!
Gen 2:24-25 appears to be an ideal that belongs to the Garden of Eden before the Fall corrupted everything in this world, but God never calls it "marriage". (Thank you for the explanation of the words for man and woman used - woman is often translated as "wife" in this verse, which appears to be false.) Therefore, is it not far-fetched to posit that ancient man, not God, formed the official institution of marriage to support this "two-become-one-and-cleave-to-one-another" phenomenon of nature they felt urged to carry out?
Interestingly, after the Fall, we see polygamous arrangements referred to as "marriage". I suppose they are still singular - Abram has a his marriage with Sarai and his other marriage with Hagar, but this is still clearly no longer fitting the ideal of the Garden of Eden. If God was indeed defining marriage in Gen 2:24 as the union of one man and one woman, then He was the first to violate his own definition by describing polygamous arrangements as "marriages" in His Scriptures.
In light of the SCOTUS hearings: If God calls polygamy marriage, why would a committed same-sex partnership be disqualified from marriage? Not to be offensive to the LGBT community by putting homosexual marriage and polygamy in the same sentence, but I hope my point is clear.

nokium
4/20/2013 03:18:13 pm

I just wanted to say that I appreciate this article. I'm a Christian and we Christians have gotten ourselves into an awkward position with the claim that we know what the Biblical definition of marriage is. We are guilty I think of continuously trying to force a cultural view of marriage into the scriptures when we should probably be going the other way around. It's refreshing to hear explanations of scripture without the usual evangelical Christian cultural biases for a change. I have often gotten a fresh perspective of Yeshua and Paul from rabbis.
Thanks!

Abigail link
6/6/2013 01:51:01 pm

I am a catholic but i didn't know or remember that much or even tackled how Marriage defines based on the Bible. but in my own opinion, marriage defines when two people decided to become one, to love each other through ups and downs and to hold on each other together during their deepest hours in their lives.


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