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Meaning and Joy

2/10/2011

 
Those of you who know me personally may know that I'm home recovering from a bit of surgery this week.  (No worries, nothing serious). I found myself, at the end of the procedure, lying on the operating table feeling very happy to be alive and very happy not to be feeling much in the way of pain. 

Yes, I know that the wonderful drugs the doctors inject into their patients do a lot to create that sense of elation at the end of surgery.  However, I think there is also something more. 

As the surgeon was finishing his work, and as I emerged from sedation, I took  in my surroundings in the operating room. Then, I was surprised to hear myself uttering a blessing that I had not previously planned on reciting. I said (in Hebrew), "Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Source of all being, who has performed a miracle for me in this place!" 

When we face those moments in which we are forced to look at the miracle of our existence, we also are forced to recognize how incredibly lucky we are--no matter what the reason--that we have been given this gift of life. The experience of life awakens wonder and joy.

I've been thinking about this because several of my readers, both in the comments of my previous post and in other conversations, have told me that they think that meaning is the thing that is missing in today's Judaism. In order to stir the interest and enthusiasm of today's Jews, Judaism needs to answer "the big questions" of life and offer people a sense of their life's meaning.

I'm all for that. I do believe that for Judaism to be fulfilling, it needs to offer its followers a sense of personal meaning. Those questions—Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? Why does it matter what I do with my life?—do need to be answered if Judaism is to avoid becoming a "dry as dust" religion. Judaism cannot be joyful if it doesn't help us to see our own lives as being meaningful.

However, I think that the quest for meaning is only part of joyful Jewish living. Specifically, finding meaning in life is the response of the intellect to living life with joy. When our lives are in balance and we feel at ease in the world—when we feel that the universe is a place to which we belong—our intellect responds by filling the chasms of the world's seeming randomness with order and meaning. The mind responds to the soul's repose with answers to basic questions about who we are and what we are meant to do.

Judaism is more than a philosophy, and it is not enough to have a Judaism that answers "big questions." At the foundation of Judaism is the admission that we cannot always have answers to the mystery of the universe in which we live. Judaism is a faith and it calls us to wonder at a world that is beyond our ability to make sensible.

In the book of Job, the biggest questions are left unanswered. God says, "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations? Speak if you have understanding" (Job 38:4). Job is left (and so are we) with the challenge of finding equanimity in a universe that he cannot understand—a universe that defies the limits of meaning. He can only say, "See, I am of small worth; what can I answer You? I clap my hand to my mouth" (40:4). 

There are those moments in which we can only admit that our power to find meaning is useless. We clap our hands to our mouths and discover that our sense of equanimity in the universe to which we belong is far more than an intellectual idea. It is a repose of the soul that we gain by living a life in harmony with God and the world around us. It is the soul, not the intellect, that cries out joyfully, Blessed is the One who has given us a world filled with miracles!
Reb Rachel link
2/10/2011 10:12:13 am

How awesome that in that post-surgery moment, that bracha came to your lips. That's the purpose of schooling ourselves in the mindfulness practice of making brachot, I think -- so that in moments when we're not consciously trying to do anything, the grateful mindset of the bracha comes automatically to our hearts and lips.

The challenge of equanimity, as found in Job and also in our own lives, is a big one. It's one thing to strive to meet the day with joy when everything is working; it's another thing entirely to try to do so when one has fallen ill, or if a loved one is hurt, or -- or -- or. Here too, I think having a regular practice of gratitude and of connecting with (what I'll call for lack of a better term) God can be helpful...though it's not always enough. I know that when I was wrestling with postpartum depression, even my longstanding practice of trying to cultivate gratitude deserted me.

I don't know what the answer is, but I'm glad you're posing the question.

Ilana DeBare link
2/10/2011 12:49:22 pm

May your recovery continue speedily and well...

Meanwhile, I'm curious if there are other brachot that you say on a day-to-day basis. (Besides the blessings at meals.)

I have wanted for a while to learn more Hebrew blessings for everyday moments -- waking up, getting dressed, showering, what else? I would like to have something that forces me to pay attention and appreciate these little moments of health and normal life that we tend to take for granted.

Can you recommend a source that lists daily blessings? Which blessings do Orthodox Jews say on a common basis? Are there Reform/renewal adaptations of this practice?

Reb Jeff link
2/10/2011 01:14:30 pm

Ilana,

There is a tradition of reciting one hundred blessings every day. That may seem daunting, but when you consider all the blessings recited while davening three times a day and recited before and after meals, it's hard for a traditionally observant Jew NOT to make one hudred blessings on any given day.

I would recommend, for a start, looking at Birkot HaShachar, the morning blessings, as they appear in Conservative an Reform prayerbooks. These are the blessings that celebrate appreciation for waking up in the morning (courtesy of the rooster), for being a Jew, for being free, for being created in God's image, and for the simple rituals of getting up in the morning. These blessings are intended to help us begin our day with an awareness of God's presence in our lives. I like to recite them as I get out of bed (thanking God who "frees the captive"), as I put on my clothes (thanking God who "clothes the naked"), and as I put on my kippah (thanking God who "crowns Israel with splendor").

This is the way that prayer is supposed to work. It trains our minds and our hearts to see the hidden miracles and blessings in the ordinary and the everyday.


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