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How Does a Joyful Jew Respond to "Merry Christmas"?

12/15/2011

 
Or, for that matter, how do we respond to "Happy Holidays"?

December can be a challenging time for Jewish families. We live in a society that seems to want everyone to celebrate the same holidays with the same symbols and festivities. Ironically, it is usually not churches, priests or ministers who send this message. It mostly comes to us from schools, work places, civic programs, advertising and commerce.
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Most of us can bear it with a shrug. I usually just smile and offer my own good wishes when the bank teller or grocery clerk says, “Merry Christmas.” Unfortunately, it is not so easy for children to understand when they hear conflicting messages about the season and its symbols. Many parents feel like villains when they have to tell their children that there are some types of celebration in which we do not participate.

The problem does not only exist for families in which Judaism is the only religion. Many of our interfaith families have an even tougher time keeping the symbols and holidays straight. They have to figure out how to maintain a strong sense of Jewish identity for their children while respecting and honoring the traditions of  other family members.

I do not have any simple solutions to the “December dilemma.” I believe that each family must discuss some fundamental questions. What is the line that divides civic and social celebrations from the violation of our Jewish integrity? How can we resist the temptation to turn our lovely minor festival of Chanukah into a “Jewish Christmas”? What are our responsibilities to our children when mixed messages make them feel badly for being different?

To turn the problem into a opportunity, though, let me make one suggestion. December is a wonderful time to teach our children (and why not remind ourselves at the same time?) that Judaism is beautiful in its differences. Our tradition celebrates the dark and cold time of the year, not in lavish displays or over-the-top spending sprees, but with the simple recognition of a miracle. The best evidence of that miracle, I believe, is that the Jewish message of peace and hope for the future has survived while kingdoms, empires, and more have risen and fallen around us. Even while the days come to their shortest and darkest of the year, we light one more little candle than the night before to say, “A great miracle happened there.”
Ann Clark-Killam
12/15/2011 09:18:14 am

As a Christian, I, too, celebrate the coming of the light even as I sit in darkness. It is not the wee babe I worship, but the God who cares for all human beings. For me, it was Jesus' message that opened that insight for me. So, Advent--the time of "already and not yet", reminds me of this great miracle-that God cares and calls me to care, by loving God and loving neighbor.
Thank you, Jeff

David
12/15/2011 01:56:06 pm

This post reminds me of a time when I was more sensitive to this question and would have conversations with people about it who informed me that Christmas wasn't a christian holiday at all. For them it was like Halloween, yet Halloween too is actually a christian holiday (with some pagan influences)--we just don't think of it that way any more. Perhaps Halloween is a model for how christmas is changing. Americans will have the three major secular end of the year holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Xmas. Religious Jews will still have Purim, Sukkot, and Chanukah, just spread out a little differently.

Judy Young
12/16/2011 04:23:13 am

For our family the answer to the "December Dilemma" is Sukkot. Putting up and decorating a sukkah, lights and all, is a marvelous antidote to Christmas tree/lights envy.

I simply wish my gentile neighbors a Merry Christmas, if that's what they celebrate.

Susan Le Gresley
12/16/2011 09:16:48 pm

The Best line in any movie I have ever watched is Robin Hood's Sherrif of Notingham's, 'Right Cancel Christmas!'. It is just worth watching the movie for, very time it comes up. As a Christian I am indignant that what used to be a very Holy Moment in our calender is buried under the 'Christmas Tree with a fairy on top, sent shooting off on a sleigh with Santa in the driving seat, and pervaded by the aroma of Turkey. Countless Christian children suffer the most awful dissapointment when the get to an age when 'The Santa Myth' is exploded like an Atom Bomb, which also leaves them highly suspect of the nativity story, or that the kind of Santa/Father God image of a benevolent senior gent with a white beard, is not after all the same identity.
As a Christian I see the celebration of giving the 'light' back to the world. Obviously Jesus wasn't born at the winter solstice, as there was lambing going on. Teaching children the truth, rather than the make believe fabrications of a consumer age is a far better narrative to build a life with from the start. Lies are always lies no matter how funky Santa looks in a red suit.

Susan Le Gresley
12/17/2011 02:02:18 am

Another gleeful image for me after a visit to town this morning. We have had gales over the last few days. One of the 'santas' I saw on a house roof getting ready 'break in' through an upstairs window; today was hanging upside down from a tree in the front garden of the house. My Husband and I were amused. This 'santa' business has become pernicious to the extent that very few western households can avoid the unwarrented credit card use to 'buy a wonderful make-believe world' if only for a scant hour on chrismas morning.
A bit of nice foliage, and a few candles is sufficient, along with inviting people for a meal they can't cook for themselves. The over indulgence is a recipe for family rows and overblown familial expectations to 'boot'. I got sick of santa's footwear a long time ago. Baaa... HUMBUG!

Susan Le Gresley
12/17/2011 02:31:07 am

'Out of the mouth of babes', also was a bizarre thing while buying a Christmas Card for my Husband. While waiting in line to pay, a mother with a little girl of about three years was paying when suddenly her youngster suddenly said 'Right Cancel Christmas'. The shopkeeper asked where she had heard it. The Mother said 'She must have heard me say it'. Wow! Let's hi-jack the sleigh, give the raindeer a pension out to grass they deserve, and get back to giving hand made gifts, and the season's greetings that are simple, loving, and very meaningful! Perhaps we can ask the Gomes to go on srtike to support the OWS movement?

Pam
6/27/2012 07:47:34 am

Why, with a big smile and a "Same to you, bubbaleh" of course! Seriously, in a world full of so much anger and angst, I would never respond with anything other than heart-felt appreciation for a well-intended wish for joy. Why burst someone's bubble when they are trying to be nice? I just thank them and wish the same to them.

Reb Jeff link
12/13/2012 01:46:36 am

That approach works for adults. It's tougher for kids. Children are always struggling with identity issues. It is natural for Jewish children to wonder if they are being faithful to their identity as Jews by responding affirmatively to "Merry Christmas." The task for parents is to teach our kids how to enjoy another person's celebration without denying our own celebrations and our own identities. It can be confusing for adults to know where to draw the line. (Do I agree to the request to wear a Santa hat to the company Christmas party if I don't celebrate Christmas in my personal life?) It's twice as hard for kids.


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