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Matot-Masei - Unknowable Journeys

8/5/2016

 
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I am looking at this map, the one in my JPS Jewish Study Bible, that shows the journeys of the Israelites through the wilderness. I notice that there are question marks all over the map, as if to say, "This may be the place that the Bible calls Taberah. On the other hand, it may not be that place at all. Who knows?"

At the bottom of the map in my book, it says, "Probable exodus route according to the Bible." Just like the question marks, that word, "probable," gets me stuck, too.

Was the journey of the Israelites governed by the laws of probability? Were the 600,000 Israelites like a giant representation of Schrödinger's Cat, having only a mere likelihood of being in one state or another? Were the ancient Israelites like subatomic particles whose exact position and trajectory are ultimately unknowable? Probably.

The journeys of the Israelites recorded in this week's double Torah portion (Matot-Masei) are often compared to the journeys that a person travels in life. We are tempted to look at our travel from birth to death as if it is mapped out in the biblical map that goes from Ramses to Mount Hor by way of a painfully circuitous route. We look at the map and we want to say: 

Oh, there is Succoth. I remember that moment when my mother took me to the pediatrician's office for my first shots and I was scared. And, look, there is Ezion-geber. I can never forget that night when the two of us knew that we would spend our lives together. Here, I see Kaddesh-barnea and I remember the bitterness of my friend's death. Those Plains of Moab are my years of retirement and the joys of holding grandchildren in my arms. I see it all now in front of me on this map.

But, of course, we don't get to do that. Our life is not a map. At least, it is not a map with neatly drawn arrows and precise locations. Our life has more question marks than it has dots to mark locations. Our life has more improbability than can be drawn with black lines from place to place.

So, let's read this week's Torah portion carefully. The Torah tells us, "Moses wrote the starting point of their journeys by the mouth of Adonai and these are the journeys of their starting points" (Numbers 33:2). Do not to assume that "the starting points of their journeys" that came from God's mouth are the same thing as the "journeys of their starting points" that Moses wrote down. The reversal of the phrase reminds us that God sees our lives moving forward while we are always looking back. From God's perspective, everything fits together from the start. We can only know it in reverse, peering over our shoulder at the past and heading into the unknown future.

In flipping God's script, we get lost. We lose our way in question marks and probabilities. We ask, how did I get here? What was that side journey for? Was I really going in circles the whole time I thought I was moving in a straight line?

We don't know the shape of our lives. The version we carry in our heads is a mirror image and a distortion of what we are really here for. Instead of trying to know ourselves the way God knows us, we just wonder and give thanks for what we have. We are even grateful for the question marks.

Mas'ei: Departures and Arrivals

7/24/2014

 
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This week's Torah portion (Mas'ei) begins with a curiously contradictory verse. The text says, "Moses recorded the starting points of Israelites' journeys according to the word of Adonai, and these are the journeys of their starting points" (Numbers 33:2). Why is it that Moses writes down the "starting points of the Israelites' journeys" from Egypt to the Land of Israel, but the text immediately repeats the phrase in the reverse as the "journeys of the Israelites' starting points"? What is the significance of the change?

Jacob ben Wolf Kranz of Dubno (1740-1804) was a chasidic preacher from Lithuania known as the "Dubner Maggid." He explained the difference with a charming tale. The story goes like this:

A pious man had a son whose mother died after the boy was born. The man remarried, but the boy's stepmother was cruel to him and the hard feelings between them became worse as the boy grew toward adulthood. One day, the man met an exceptional young woman in his travels whom he thought would make a wonderful wife for his son. The man met with the young woman's father and the two men arranged for their children to marry. When the man returned home to his son, he shared the happy news with him. The son was delighted to learn that he would soon leave the house of his stepmother. Preparations were made for father and son to travel together to the town of the son's bride-to-be. Not long after they began the trip, the son asked the driver, "How many miles have we now traveled?" The driver answered that they had traveled three miles. A while later, the son asked again, "How far have we traveled now?" The driver told him that it had been ten miles. Some time later, the father asked the driver, "How many more miles until we reach our destination?" and the driver told him that they had five miles to go. 

The son asked his father, "Why is it that I asked how many miles we have traveled, but you asked how many miles we have yet to go?" The father said, "Your mind is only focused on getting far from your stepmother. I, on the other hand, am thinking about the joy you will experience once you meet your bride. You are counting the miles since we left. I am counting the miles until we arrive." 

This is the reason why the Torah says that Moses wrote down "the starting points of the Israelites' journeys," but the Israelites thought more about "the journeys of their starting points." Moses thought about the start of the Israelites' journey, but also about where they were headed. He knew that a land of milk and honey awaited them. For the Israelites, though, the purpose of the journey was getting away from Egypt. They only wanted to know how much distance was between them and their suffering.

All of life is travel from one place to another. The journey takes us from the past we have experienced to a future that is still a mystery. If our minds are overflowing with thoughts about the places behind us, we might forget to be mindful of the adventure and joy that are ahead. If, when we reach our destination, our thoughts are still on the past, we might miss our arrival entirely.

We all know where we have been in life and we try to understand how our experiences have shaped us, but life cannot really be lived looking only in the rear-view mirror. The challenge is to accept what has been, and yet to live in the present with optimism for the future. In this way we can learn from our past without being defined by it. Our destiny is not ruled by our history.

Last month, I left a community that I appreciate and love – not an "Egypt" for me at all! – to come to a congregation that is my new home and a source of joy. So far, I have had only my first tastes of the milk and honey that flow here, but I have found them to be delicious. I am so grateful for the journey that has led me to Temple Sinai in Cranston, Rhode Island.

While I do miss and think about the places and people I have left behind, those thoughts cannot be my main focus right now. I need to be here now in body, mind and spirit. I take comfort in knowing that the community I have left is now on its own magnificent journey without me. We are part of each other's pasts, and that allows us to experience new beginnings – things we would miss if we were to stay stuck in the past.

What of you? What memories, images, nostalgia and regret do you carry around with you from your past? Do you mark your journeys in life according to the miles you have logged since past departures, or according to the unseen destinations that lie ahead? Wherever you are, make sure that you walk the path ahead of you with eyes raised in optimism and hope. You never now what is to come.


Other Posts on This Topic:
Mas'ei: The Torah of Now
Lech Lecha: "Get Yourself Going"

Matot-Mas'ei: Chasing After Emptiness

7/2/2013

 
PictureJeremiah by Leonard Baskin
This is the second of the three weeks leading up to Tisha B'Av, the most sorrowful day of the Jewish year. The three weeks are called the t'lat d'furanuta, "the three weeks of affliction." On each Shabbat during these weeks, we read a haftarah in which the prophets rebuke Israel for failing to keep faith with God, but promising redemption for Israel if it returns to God.

In the opening of this week's haftarah, God ask a rhetorical question. "What wrong did your ancestors find in Me that they distanced themselves from Me, went after empty things, and thus became empty themselves?" (Jeremiah 2:5). The image is clear. When we run away from things of real value in life and chase after illusions, we become delusional. Empty pursuits yield empty lives.

That is a rebuke that should make each of us more than a bit uncomfortable. Who will deny that his or her life has more than its share of empty pursuits? I think about the energy I put into learning about the latest electronic gadgets and the time I spend following the ups and downs of sports teams. Is Jeremiah speaking to me? Is he reminding me that my time is better spent with family, community and making a difference in people's lives? Is he saying that I am digging a hole of emptiness in my life? What is he telling you?

We know it's true. We see it in others and, when we are being honest, we see it in ourselves. When people spend their time preoccupied with triviality, vanity and self-indulgence, they become trivial, vain, and…well…unhappy. When we look at our own lives, we realize that our greatest joy comes from moments focused on the things that are meaningful — building relationships, working for the good of others, sharing what we have, loving and being loved. 

You can toss the rest.  Happiness is filling up our otherwise empty hours with things that matter.

Jeremiah tells us this is what it truly means to be close to God. It's not about mouthing prayers or fulfilling empty rituals. God is what we experience when we connect with others — when we make our lives matter by doing things that matter. Then, instead of distancing ourselves from God, we draw close.

And Jeremiah reminds us that the rewards are very great. In the conclusion of this week's haftarah (according to Sephardic practice), we read, "If you return, O Israel…and swear by the living God in truth, justice and righteousness, then nations will find blessing in you…" (Jeremiah 4:1-2). When we attach ourselves to God by acting truthfully, justly and righteously, we not only secure our own happiness, we bring blessing to others.

So try it. The next time you find yourself filling up your time with things that don't really matter, make a different choice. Turn off the screen, put down the video game, stop the preening and posing. Instead, make the choice to do something — something that matters and brings blessing to the world.


Other Posts on This Topic:
Bamidbar: From the Wilderness Comes a Gift
Hope after Despair

Matot-Mas'ei: Six Cities of Refuge

7/15/2012

 
In ancient Israelite society, which had no police force or prisons, justice often was left in the hands of ordinary people. When there was a murder, it was up to the near relatives of the victim to exact justice by killing the murderer. 

What would happen, though, when there was an accidental killing? There is a danger that a never-ending cycle of revenge killings would spiral into a bloodbath. 
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That is the reason for the institution of the "City of Refuge," which is described in this week's double Torah portion, Matot-Mas'ei. The Torah describes how a person who had killed someone could flee to one of these six cities—which were scattered throughout the land to make them accessible to all—and find protection from the victim's avenging relatives. In the City of Refuge, the killer could receive a fair trial to determine whether he or she was guilty of intentional murder (Numbers 35:9-15).

Of course, there is no need for such an institution today. In our society, we do not condone any kind of revenge killing. We empower the police to arrest and the courts to adjudicate people who are accused of murder. Yet, the law of the Six Cities of Refuge does have lasting meaning for us.

According to the Rambam (Maimonides), every city in the Land of Israel was required to maintain roads and post signs throughout the land to direct people to the nearest City of Refuge. There was a positive obligation to make it as easy as possible for an accused murderer to get justice (Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Rotzeach 8:5).

We are required to do for the accused murderer what God does for us. Just as we must help the accused murderer find his or her way away from unfounded accusation and toward justice, God helps us find our way away from guilt and harsh self-judgment. God leads us on Yom Kippur toward a place of safety where we can fairly and compassionately find justice for ourselves. 

God does not want us forever inflicting pain upon ourselves for the things we accuse ourselves of having done, or having failed to do. Rather, God gives us Yom Kippur, a day which is a City of Refuge, to sort out our feelings about ourselves, to recognize what we have done wrong and what we might, in the future, do better. God keeps the pathway clear and marks it with signs to help us find our way out of self-recrimination and toward reconciliation and peace. 

The laws in this week's Torah portion about the Six Cities of Refuge remind us to deal kindly with ourselves and with others. We remember that when we are afflicted with guilt, we are given a chance, and shown the way, to escape from the sword we wield against ourselves.


Other Posts on This Theme:
You are What You Choose to Be
Matot: Sacred Speech
Mas'ei: The Torah of Now

Mas'ei: The Torah of Now

7/26/2011

 
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I have not posted much on the blog this week because I am in the midst of physically moving my home. As I write this, I am surrounded by boxes that contain ... well, you could say, they contain the artifacts of my life. 

In what used to be my home, there are boxes containing the clothes I wore at my wedding, boxes of  toys that my children will not give up, boxes holding the dishes I use at special occasions, boxes of photographs of relatives living and gone, and (many, many) boxes of books. Tomorrow morning, the truck will come to take all the boxes and move my life 1,366 miles, south by southwest.

It is at this moment—on this threshold that separates yesterday from tomorrow—that I can't help but think about how I got to this moment in life and where I am heading. I think of those corrugated cardboard boxes as telling a story about my life ... as if it were knowable.

It's easy to think that life can be reduced to an accumulation of stuff that can be separated, sorted, categorized and explained. We tend to forget, though, that, in day-to-day experience, the story of our lives is invisible to us. There are no sharp, defining corners. There are no neat bundles that can be carried one at a time. Our lives, as they are lived, are more complex than we can describe, with origins we do not understand, and a destination we cannot perceive.

There is a nice commentary on this week's Torah portion (Mas'ei) that points to this truth. The portion describes how the daughters of Zelophechad, whom we met two weeks ago in Parashat Pinchas, were required to marry within their tribe because they had inherited land from their father when he died without a male heir. The land must remain within their father's tribe, so the daughters are required to marry men of the same tribe. This becomes a law for all women in the identical situation. 

However, many commentators have noticed that this law does not prevent some, or even most, of the situations in which a woman might inherit land. If a woman is already married to a man from another tribe when her father dies without a male heir, according to the law, she will inherit the land and the land eventually will pass out of her father's tribe. Why isn't there something in the law to prevent that situation?

The Ramban (also known as Nachmanides) says of this seeming inconsistency that, "The Torah does not want to concern itself with things to come in the future." That is, the Torah does not wish to prevent women from marrying outside of their tribe because of the mere possibility that they might someday inherit land.  The Torah is about life in the now. We cannot live properly in the present if we are forever shadowed by what might be in the future.  

To strengthen his point, Ramban quotes the book of Ecclesiastes, which asks, "Who can straighten what God has twisted?” (Ecclesiastes 7:13).

Life is filled with a seemingly endless series of false starts, plot twists, and surprise endings. Nobody knows exactly what possibile turns of fate have led us to the moment we now inhabit. None of us can say where the future might take us. The Torah is not concerned with where we might end up in a year—or five, or ten, or a thousand—from now. The Torah can only speak to the situation we are in right now, at this moment.

At this moment, the boxes surround me. At this moment, I cannot be sure about how I got here, or where this collection of memories may accompany me in the future. The only thing that matters is now.  God is going to keep twisting my life around me, whether I like it or not. The only thing I can do is appreciate the journey, wherever it takes me, and enjoy the blessing of now.

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