The 39th day of the Counting of the Omer begins with Shabbat on Friday night. Tonight we count fIve weeks and four days of the Omer. 

This is the day of Netzach within Yesod, endurance within connection. On this day, I think about making relationships last. It is a particularly pressing issue for me, personally, as I prepare to leave a community that has meant a lot to me over the last three years. This evening, in fact, there will be a dinner at the Temple for the congregation and me to say farewell to each other. So, I wonder about this: How do I make sure that the meaningful personal connections I have made endure after I have gone?

Just about every day for the last two months, someone has asked me, "Will you come visit after you move?" "Will you think of us?" and, most frequently of all, people ask, "Am I still going to be able to read your blog?" 

It is undeniable that physical presence makes it a lot easier to maintain connection. "Out of sight" really does tend to lead to "out of mind." However, if I am committed to the idea of creating enduring relationships, I must also be willing to stay connected to people despite distance. 

That is made more complicated by the nature of my profession. As one rabbi leaves a congregation, it is necessary to make room for the congregation's new rabbi to take his or her place. I have been fortunate in both of the congregation's I have served to have been followed by excellent rabbis. Just as I have intentionally stayed away from the last congregation I served to allow my successor to establish herself there, so do I now intend to make myself scarce after I leave Temple Beit HaYam to allow Rabbi Matthew Durbin to establish himself as the congregation's true and capable spiritual leader.

So, in answer to the questions: 

• Yes, I will come visit after a few years have passed. I've heard that it gets cold in New England (ha ha) and that having a warm and friendly place in Florida to visit is a wonderful thing. Just don't expect me back too soon.

• Yes, I certainly will think often about the wonderful friendships I have made at Temple Beit HaYam and in Martin County. You will be in my prayers and in my heart. That is really what makes relationships endure. Don't you think?

• Yes, I fully intend to keep writing this blog. In fact, I started the blog as a way to stay in touch with friends at Congregation Beth Israel in Massachusetts when I left there. Whenever I write posts here, I think about the people near and far who read them, and that makes me feel that our connection continues and grows. If you read it, I will write it.

On this 39th day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to sustaining and keeping my connection to people who are dear to me. I remember that our connections to other human beings are what, ultimately, make us human. Sustaining those connections keeps us human.

May this be a day in which you endure in all of your relationships – the ones that are tested by time, by difficult circumstances, and by physical distance. May you endure in your humanity by enduring in your connection to others.


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 38th day of the Counting of the Omer begins on Thursday night. Tonight we count fIve weeks and three days of the Omer. 

This is the day of Tiferet within Yesod, balance within connection. On this day, I think about creating balance in my relationships. I consider how I am open to the needs of others without ignoring my own needs. I consider how I assert myself without trampling on other people.

Building relationships – either a one-on-one partnership, or as part of a community – is all about balance. Relationships fail or become corrosive when one person or group dominates another. They succeed and thrive when each person is given an opportunity to shine where his or her soul is brightest.

Many relationships, friendships and communities begin with the domination of one person or a small group over others. That is natural. Often, the initial impetus to come together comes from the energy on one side. Eventually, though, a balance has to be reached in which everyone feels that the connection has a mutual give and take. If not, connections tend to fall apart when some person or group feels they are not being given a fair chance to shine.

Think about your most important relationships. Are there times when you, or other members of the relationships, feel left out? Ignored? Unimportant? Are there times when you feel like you're the only one putting energy into the relationship? Do you feel unappreciated? Exhausted? In order for human connections to work, there needs to be balance so everyone feels included and everyone feels appreciated.

The same is true for our relationship with God. If you expect God to do all the work in your relationship – grant your wishes, listen to your sorrows, forgive your sins – you will probably feel disappointed at some point. Your relationship has become unbalanced. Spend some more time thinking about what God wants and needs from you – your engagement and service to others, your commitment to spiritual practice, your willingness to accept responsibility for your shortcomings. 

Of course, if you think you are the one doing all the work in your relationship with God, that will lead to imbalance, too. Appreciate what God has given you. Listen to the music of your life, even in times of hardship. Accept forgiveness and know that you are loved.

On this 38th day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to noticing the give-and-take in my relationships. I commit to reengaging where I have been passive, and, where I have been too dominant, to give space for others to grow.

May this be a day in which you grow closer to others by finding balance. May you feel more connected to God by participating in the world around you, finding holiness in every moment, appreciating your blessings, and feeling how deeply loved you really are.


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 37th day of the Counting of the Omer begins on Wednesday night. Tonight we count fIve weeks and two days of the Omer. 

This is the day of Gevurah within Yesod, discipline within connection. On this day, I think about the hard work of building and sustaining relationships with other people. I think about the power of forgiveness, of reconciliation, and even of kind and well-timed criticism.

This is going to date me. When I was a kid, there was a popular novel followed by a popular movie called Love Story. The catchphrase of the story of star-crossed lovers was, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Oh boy, did they get that wrong.

Love is work. Maintaining a true and vibrant connection with other people means being willing to bend and stretch along with the challenges of your life and theirs. It means honesty, even when it is difficult (something that Oliver Barrett IV never really learned). And it means saying you're sorry … a lot. 

There is a certain kind of strength that one needs to be connected with other people. It is not the strength of complaining loudly, nor is it the ability to weather the angry complaints of others. It is the strength of discipline – the ability to see oneself as one really is, to grow in awareness of ones tendencies and foibles, and to make corrections on an ongoing, never-ending basis to meet the reasonable needs of others and to have ones own reasonable needs met, too.

On this 37th day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to building relationships through discipline. I keep up the work of listening, paying attention, of negotiating and meeting halfway, of forgiving and asking for the forgiveness of others. May this be a day in which you deepen your relationships by being an active participant in the process of being and becoming a friend, partner and lover.


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 36th day of the Counting of the Omer begins on Tuesday night. Tonight we count fIve weeks and one day of the Omer. 

This is the day of Chesed within Yesod, love within connection. On this day, I think about how even my most cherished relationships can sometimes become stale when I treat them as mere practicalities. When we forget to empathize with and to care deeply about the people in our lives, when we begin to use people as means to our ends, then the light of our souls begins to dim. 

Love is the ingredient in all of our relationships that gives them meaning, depth and beauty. There are many ways to love, as there are many different kinds of relationships, but all loving relationships have this basic quality: The relationship itself becomes something greater than just the sum of the individuals who make it up.

On this 36th day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to finding the loving responses to others that give my connection to them the quality of blessing and meaning. May this be a day in which you find new ways to be loving and to be loved by the people who are dear to you.

For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 35th day of the Counting of the Omer begins on Monday night. Tonight we count five weeks of the Omer. 

This is the day of Malchut within Hod, nobility within humility. On this day, I think about how our usual conception of nobility is far from humble – which makes it far from what true nobility should be. From television and movies, we tend to think of "noble" characters as being proud to the point of arrogance, but the highest nobility is in recognizing the nobility of service to others.

Every month, members of the congregation I serve volunteer in a soup kitchen at a local church. They stir huge pots of pasta. They make hundreds of tuna fish sandwiches. They greet hungry people with kindness and respect. Then they sponge down the counters, wash the dishes and sweep the floors. Is such lowly work noble? Of course it is. I believe it to be of the highest order of nobility. We become our most noble when we lower our egos enough to lift others up. 

On this 35th day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to reaching higher within by finding human commonality with others. May this be a day in which you strive toward your most noble self in the way you see every human being as your fellow.


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 34th day of the Counting of the Omer begins on Sunday night. Tonight we count four weeks and six days of the Omer. 

This is the day of Yesod within Hod, connection within humility. On this day, I think about how humility should be a quality that draws me closer to other people. It should make me more open and accepting of differences. It should not be an isolating experience of self-degredation, but an enriching experience that encourages greater connection.

Rabbi Akiva, the sage of the Talmud who is closely associated with Sunday's holiday of Lag B'Omer, said that the commandment to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18)  is "The great principle of the Torah" (Leviticus 19:18; Y. Nedarim 30b). There is a teaching that Akiva's students were struck by a plague when they misinterpreted the verse to mean, "Love your neighbor who is as yourself." In other words, they thought that the commandment to "love your neighbor" only applied to neighbors who shared their opinions and practices. 

That is a plague that is becoming more common in our society. As our culture becomes more segmented and polarized, even people who call themselves religious seem to find it easier to reserve their love only for those whom they perceive to be "like minded." True religious humility is an experience that makes us humble in our view of other people, more able to treat others with compassion, and more able to see value in people, even when they are not "as ourselves."

On this 34th day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to finding commonality and compassion for others as a practice of love and humility. May this be a day in which you lower your ego and discover unexpected connection with others.


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 33rd day of the Counting of the Omer begins as Shabbat ends on Saturday night. Tonight we count four weeks and five days of the Omer. It is the minor holiday of Lag B'Omer, which means "33rd of the Omer."

This is the day of Hod within Hod, humility within humility. On this day, I think about how my humility is deepened when I appreciate other people – the strengths they have in areas where I am weak, the insights they have from which I can learn, and the struggles they have endured. I remember that there are great lessons in life that can be learned only when I lower my egos to value others.

Lag B'Omer has many different meanings in Jewish tradition. The Talmud explains that it was a day that brought relief to a plague that struck the students of Rabbi Akiva (B. Yevamot 62b). In Israel, Lag B'Omer is celebrated by religious and secular Jews with bonfires and outdoor games. The origin of the bonfire celebrations probably comes from a story that connects the holiday to the death of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, the teacher of mysteries who is the central figure of the Zohar.

According to the Zohar, the most important text of Jewish mysticism, Shimon bar Yochai pronounced his final and greatest revelation of the Torah's secrets on Lag B'Omer, the day of his death. In his vision, he saw nothing but the fire of God's presence and revealed that the inmost reality of the universe is that "there is nothing by the High Spark, hidden, unrevealed!” 

Lag B'Omer, therefore, stands as I day in which we celebrate the greatest lesson of humility we could ever learn. Everything is a manifestation of God. All of our conceits about our abilities, our qualities, and our very existence is nothing but an illusion. God is the only real reality that is present, unrevealed, in each moment.

On this 33rd day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to seeing the presence of God in each person I encounter. To remember that their life's stories, their blessings and burdens, are all a part of the story of God who fills everything.

May this be a day in which you find the peace that comes from quieting your ego enough to see the resplendent divinity that lies at the heart of all things. 


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 32nd day of the Counting of the Omer begins with Shabbat on Friday night. Tonight we count four weeks and four days of the Omer. 

This is the day of Netzach within Hod, eternity within humility. The pairing of these s'firot conjures in the mind the inherent contradiction between striving to become better and accepting ourselves as we are. Is it possible to do both at the same time?

The New York Times op-ed columnist, David Brooks, wrote an essay this week about the lack of self-confidence in women, which is generally seen as a problem, as compared to overconfidence (especially in men), which Brooks says is actually a much greater problem in our society. 

Brooks writes:

Although David Brooks is Jewish, I doubt that he considered that his essay directly reflects on the question we focus on during this day of the Counting of the Omer. Self-confidence is a powerful engine that drives us to strive to make ourselves and our world better. The humility to accept ourselves and the world, though, comes from recognizing a reality in which we are relatively small and powerless. How do we have the energy and drive that comes from self-confidence while maintaining a humble acceptance of our limited abilities and understanding in a vast universe that has been given to us as a gift from God?

In truth, this is a question that Judaism has been pondering for thousands of years. Jewish answers, generally speaking, say that the apparent paradox can be resolved when we consider that, although we are small and powerless compared to God, we also have been given a special and undeserved role in creation. Our mandate is to strive toward understanding and to help repair the world. We are small creatures who have been given a big job.

That answer, though, does not negate the truth that it is difficult to balance our pride and humility. Both self-confidence and self-doubt are necessary, but it is hard to hold onto both in our minds at the same time. Like Brooks, I tend to believe that our humility is a better friend to us than is our pride. A lack of self-confidence can hurt us, but we are more likely to be at our best when we have a realistic view of ourselves supplemented by a tempered dose of ambition. 

That mindset also has the benefit of taking our attention off of our egos. It is better to place our focus on our task than on our selves. As Brooks says, "It’s probably easier to go through life focusing on what specifically needs doing, rooted in a set of external obligations and criteria and thus quieting the self."

On this 32nd day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to doing acts of audacious humility, striving to do what is right while also accepting my limitations and the reality of the world around me.

May this be a day in which you find the drive to do what needs to be done in this beautiful world that you did not make and which you did nothing to deserve.


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 31st day of the Counting of the Omer begins on Thursday night. Tonight we count four weeks and three days of the Omer. This falls during the week when we read a Torah portion that describes the blessings and curses that God brings upon the Jewish people.

This is the day of Tiferet within Hod, balance within humility. On this day, I think about what it means to lead a life in the spirit of the prophet Micah who said, "God has told you, humanity, what is good and what Adonai seeks from you: That you do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8). This day we seek the balancing point between doing what is right and doing it with kindness. We discover the true meaning of humility in accepting the obligations of justice and love.

This week's Torah portion (Bechukotai) describes the rewards for living such a life, and the punishments for not living such a life. The portion easily can be understood as a simple description of the way that God showers favor on those who do what is right and dispatches slings and arrows against those who do what is wrong. But I think the text is more complex than that. 

The Torah says that, if you follow God's laws, "You shall give chase to your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword" (Leviticus 26:7), but that if you do not follow God's laws, "You shall flee though none pursues" (Leviticus 26:17). Why would anyone run away if nobody is chasing them? 

This is not a prediction of God sending physical, material punishments against the wicked, rather it is warning of the mind-set that is the natural consequence of straying from the path of a good life. The Torah tells us that if we live lives of anger unbalanced by love, or of indulgence unbalanced by discipline, our outlook on the world will be dominated by fear, jealousy, violence and despair. We become the authors of the punishment that enters our lives when we fail to walk humbly with our God.

On this 31st day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to accepting all that is in my life with equal measures of compassion and judgment. With modesty and humility, I seek to live according to the path that has been set for me.

May this be a day in which you find peace as you make your life a song of justice and love.


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer

The 30th day of the Counting of the Omer begins on Wednesday night. Tonight we count four weeks and two days of the Omer. 

This is the day of Gevurah within Hod, discipline within humility. On this day, I think about the thin line that can divide true humility from self-degradation. Humility without the constraints of self-discipline can easily descend into soul-crushing nihilism. Paradoxically, humility taken to such an extreme becomes a form of egotism – as if one were to proclaim to the universe, "Look at how selfless I am!" 

You know the joke about the rabbi and the synagogue president? Each of them proclaims how unworthy he is of all the adulation and authority he has received from the community. "Really," each of them says, "I am nothing." A simple volunteer in the synagogue overhears their conversation and says, "Yes, I too feel that I am so unworthy of all I have been given. In reality, I know that I am nothing." After the volunteer leaves, the rabbi turns to the president and sniggers, "Look who thinks he's nothing!" Some kinds of humility are not real humility.
 
On this 30th day of the Counting of the Omer, I commit to a renewing and growing in appreciation for the people and the world around me, and also a healthy and realistic appreciation of myself. 

May this be a day in which you find strength and confidence in the awareness of the gifts you have been given and the gifts you have to offer.


For the introduction to the Counting of the Omer, click on this link:
The First Day of the Counting of the Omer