DAY 24
Saturday, September 12, 2020
Twenty-Third Day of Elul 5780
Shabbat Nitzavim-Vayeilech

Today is Shabbat, the most holy day in Jewish tradition. It is our day of rest and our day of joyfully feeling God’s presence all around us.

After this Shabbat ends tonight, we will be entering the night of Selichot. Temple Sinai will have a Selichot service on Zoom at 8:00 PM. The reflection for Day 25 will introduce the Selichot service. You should review it tonight before the service.

This particular Shabbat is called Shabbat Nitzavim-Vayeilech for the double Torah portion we read today. In the first part of the Torah reading, we read Moses’ powerful statement of inclusion in the covenant with God. He states, “You stand this day, all of you, before Adonai your God – your tribal heads, your elders, and your officials, all the men of Israel, your children, your wives, even the stranger within your camp, from woodchopper to water drawer – to enter into the covenant of Adonai your God…” (Deuteronomy 29:9-11).

Moses’ speech to the Israelites as they stood ready to enter the Land of Israel said that no one was left outside of the covenant with God. Regardless of social status or prestige, all were in the covenant together. All were equally needed.

This idea would later be expressed by the rabbis of the Talmud in the phrase: Kol Yisrael aravim zeh bazeh, “All Jews bear responsibility for one another” (B. Shevuot 39a). In the 20th century, the great Jewish philosopher Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel would say it this way: “Indifference to evil is worse than evil itself… in a free society, some are guilty, but all are responsible” (“The Reasons for My Involvement in the Peace Movement,” 1972).

The responsibility we carry for each other as part of a communal covenant is both a burden and a gift. When one person behaves badly or causes someone else harm, we are all implicated. However, we also are all assured that we are not alone in the work of accounting for our own faults and striving to do better. We all stand together before God, which is certainly easier than standing alone. We all draw strength from each other in our striving toward t’shuvah.

Practice for this day:
From whom do you draw strength? Who are the people – past and present – who have inspired you, defended you, encouraged you, guided you, and supported you? Think of a few of these people in your life and think of the ways that you express gratitude to them. Think of the ways that you return the favor by supporting them.

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DAY 23
Friday, September 11, 2020
Twenty-Second Day of Elul 5780

One of the most memorable and famous prayers of the High Holy Days is Hineni, which is sung by the cantor as a meditation on the sacred duty of leading the congregation in prayer. The cantor sings, “Behold, here I am, impoverished in deeds and merits…” In this prayer, the cantor contemplates the awesome responsibility of being the shaliach tzibbur, literally, “The representative of the community” before God.

In Hineni, the prayer leader pleads to God, “Accept my prayer as though it were offered by one more worthy of this task.” The prayer sets a tone of humility for the entire congregation. We do not come to God with the arrogant belief that on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur our words alone will wipe away all our sins. In order for t’shuvah to work on us, we have to be willing to enter it with the humble recognition that we depend on God’s grace and mercy to forgive us. We have to know that forgiveness is a gift we receive – not despite the fact that we are unworthy of it, but rather – because we are unworthy of it. God forgives us because forgiveness is our only path to escape the mistakes of our past.

Letting go of our ego is one of the most difficult spiritual tasks of the High Holy Days. There is a part of our minds that insists on saying, “I don’t need to be forgiven. My actions are all justified. Why should I have to plead for forgiveness?” On Rosh Hashanah, we enter a period when we realize that this part of our minds will destroy us if it is left unchecked. It will isolate us from other people and from God. It will harden our hearts and make us believe that the universe revolves around us. It will turn us into selfish, self-centered ingrates.

That thought should terrify us even more than our fear of humbling ourselves before God.

Practice for this day:
Take some time today to remember all the ways in which you depend on others for your survival and happiness. Recall all the ways in which your life is bound up with the lives of other people. Think of the many times when others came to help you recover from your shortcomings and mistakes.

Write down one or two of these powerful memories.

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DAY 22
Thursday, September 10, 2020
Twenty-First Day of Elul 5780

As we approach Rosh Hashanah, we begin to think of the day’s complex and seemingly contradictory meanings. Rosh Hashanah is a day of celebration and joy for the beginning of the new year. Paradoxically, it is also a solemn day of introspection and asking God for forgiveness. In the Torah it is called It is Yom T’ruah, the Day of Shofar Blasts. Just as the shofar was sounded in ancient times both for celebration and as an alarm, Rosh Hashanah remains a day that contains both types of messages.

Rosh Hashanah is not unlike our secular New Year’s Eve, which is observed both as a time for merrymaking and for making resolutions about overcoming our faults in the new year. It is a moment when we stand at the crossroads of life, looking backwards and forwards at the same time – happy about a new beginning and trepidatious about repeating the mistakes of the past.

In the Jewish understanding of Rosh Hashanah, though, there is an added dimension. The changes we seek to make in ourselves at this time of year are not just about self-improvement, they are also about our relationship with God. Rosh Hashanah calls us to see ourselves not just from an egotistical, self-centered perspective. We begin the new year by considering that we need to make our lives right, not just for our own sake, but for the sake of the world and for God. We remember that we are loved by a God who wants the best for us. God does that by helping us become the best people we can be. But we are not the final judge of our behavior. God is.

That may be the best way of resolving the apparent contradiction of Rosh Hashanah being both a day of celebration and a day of solemn introspection. It is the day when we recall how God loves us and also asks us to become better.

Practice for this day:
As we approach Rosh Hashanah, think back on how you have observed Rosh Hashanah in the past. What memories do you have that seem particularly joyful and celebratory? What memories seem solemn and serious

Write down some memories of Rosh Hashanah that seem most important to you.

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DAY 21
Wednesday, September 9, 2020
Twentieth Day of Elul 5780

We have completed twenty days in our forty-day journey toward t’shuvah. It is a good time to review the work you have done to get to this point and to set your sights on where you wish to go.

Practice for this day:
If you have not done so already, you should start making plans for conversations with people to whom you would like to apologize. You should have those conversations soon.

Review the teachings and your responses to the practices from the first twenty days. If you have not read or completed the practices for some of the days up to this point, or for any of them, do not become discouraged. T’shuvah is a lifelong process. There are many opportunities to begin again. There is no better time to start than right now.

As you look over the teachings, are there any ideas or responses that seem particularly powerful to you? Are there any ideas or feelings you particularly want to remember? Are there any thoughts you have written that you now wish to revise?

Jot down your thoughts here:

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As we continue the journey toward t’shuvah, do you wish to make any commitments to goals you would like to achieve by Yom Kippur or beyond?

Jot down your thoughts here:

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DAY 20
Tuesday, September 8, 2020
Nineteenth Day of Elul 5780

The most common stumbling blocks for apologizing are the thoughts we make up about the person to whom we should apologize. We get hung up on thoughts like, “Why should I change if the other person won’t change?” or “Why should I apologize to that person if she or he won’t apologize to me first?” For many of us, this can be a very powerful distraction from t’shuvah.

There are some important things to remember about this. The first is that t’shuvah is a process toward greater joy and fulfillment in life that is available to everyone, but it is something you can only do for yourself. You cannot do t’shuvah for someone else. Release your resentment, anger or fear of that other person in order to focus on your own t’shuvah.

The second thing to notice is that you need to do t’shuvah even if the person you hurt has also hurt you (except for cases where there has been abuse.) You may have a difficult relationship with another person in which you feel you are only ten percent to blame and the other person owns the other ninety percent. You may believe, therefore, that the other person needs to apologize first. This is a trap. It will keep you from healing yourself. Take the first step by apologizing and see how it feels.

Third, we sometimes hold back from making an apology because we fear the other person will vent anger at us. This is a possibility. When people feel hurt, they often are not ready to accept an apology until they release their anger. When this happens, you do not have to do anything more than to listen compassionately. You can repeat the apology, but you do not have to argue. You do not have to say things you do not believe. You do not have to agree. You just have to listen.

Practice for this day:
Think of a relationship in which you feel the need for repair, but you feel unable to apologize. What is the story you tell yourself about your inability? Is it embarrassment or shame? Is it fear that your apology won’t be accepted, that it will spark anger, or that it will be misunderstood? Is it that you don’t expect the other person to take responsibility for their own wrongdoing?

Remember that the goal of t’shuvah is to release yourself from your own feelings of guilt and shame in order to become a happier and more fulfilled person. With that in mind, imagine a conversation with this other person that will allow you to express your true feelings about your own behavior in a way that the other person will be able to hear and accept. Write some notes about what you hope to say.

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​If you feel ready, now is the time to make your apologies.

DAY 18
Sunday, September 6, 2020
Seventeenth Day of Elul 5780

We have considered the first two steps we have to take to make a real apology and ask forgiveness from someone we have hurt. We have resolved to state clearly and specifically what we did wrong, and we have resolved to express remorse and determination to do better. Today, we’ll go on to the third step, making amends.

Making amends means doing whatever we can to make up for the hurt we have caused. It means taking steps to right our wrongs. This is never easy because it is never completely possible to undo something that has been done, but we can try.

How do we do that? Start by asking the person you have hurt, “What can I do to make this up to you?” The person may say, “There is nothing you can do,” or “you don’t need to do anything,” but you still may want to consider doing something like this.

• If there is a direct way to make up for a harm, do it. Offer to pay with money, time, or replacement goods to make up for what was lost.

• Making amends can be amending your behavior. Let the person you have hurt know that you are making a tangible change to prevent a recurrence. This could be making a plan for keeping better track of your time and commitments, changing the way you operate your business, or seeking outside help for a recurring problem in your behavior.

• Offer to help the person you hurt with something unrelated to the harm, but which is important to them. You could donate to a charity they care about, help them with a problem they are facing, or just do a simple favor. Remember that actions speak louder than words and your help may restore faith and goodwill in a relationship.

Practice for this day:
Think of a mistake or hurt that you have committed that you want to apologize for. (Again, pick something small). Write down something you can offer to do to make amends for the hurt you caused. Be sure that it is something that is real, reasonable, doable, and likely to be seen as helpful by the person you hurt.

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DAY 17
Saturday, September 5, 2020
Sixteenth Day of Elul 5780
Shabbat Ki Tavo

Today is Shabbat, the most holy day in Jewish tradition. It is our day of rest and our day of joyfully feeling God’s presence all around us.

This particular Shabbat is called Shabbat Ki Tavo for the Torah portion we read today. In this portion, Moses gives a sermon to the Israelites at the end of their forty year journey. He told them, “You have seen all that Adonai did before your very eyes in the land of Egypt… Yet, Adonai has not given you a heart to know or eyes to see or ears to hear until this day” (Deuteronomy 29:1-3). Moses appears to say that, despite the miracles that God did for the Israelites, they failed to appreciate it.

However, Rashi, the great medieval commentator, understood this verse in a gentler, more forgiving way. He wrote that Moses did not appreciate how much the Israelites had learned “until this day,” that is, until his final speech at the end of forty years. Rashi wrote that it takes a long time for students to really grasp the meaning of their teacher’s words, and that it takes a long time for teachers to recognize all that their students have learned.

That’s a good lesson for us as we travel through this season of t’shuvah. It is easy for us to be discouraged in the process of t’shuvah. We are likely to say to ourselves, “Here I am, year after year, seeing the same faults in myself as last Yom Kippur, making the same promises to change. What’s the point of doing this if I just keep making the same mistakes over and over again?”

We need to remember that change can take a very long time and, because of this, we might not notice it while it is happening. If you cast your mind back to the person you were forty years ago – or even ten years ago – you probably will recognize that you have changed for the better in many ways. You have learned lessons from life and you have learned from this process of introspection and self-improvement. It just takes time.

Of course, we want to learn and become better more quickly. There are ways to help ourselves to do that. Doing the work of t’shuvah can help along life’s journey. However, the greatest enemies of change and improvement are feelings of despair, hopelessness and frustration. Stay positive. Stay hopeful. You have come far. You will go farther.

Practice for this day:
Write down one to three ways in which you are a better person today than you were ten, twenty, thirty or forty years ago.

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DAY 16
Friday, September 4, 2020
Fifteenth Day of Elul 5780

Yesterday, we considered the first step of a good apology, stating what you did wrong. The second step is harder: expressing remorse.

Twenty years ago, there was a television show called Allie McBeal about a young attorney. There was a character on the show named Fish who repeatedly made fake apologies by saying, “My bad – bygones,” and walked away. The joke, of course, was that this was nothing like a real apology. Fish said nothing about how he felt about what he had done. He never promised not to do it again. It felt meaningless.

For an apology to be real, the person making the apology must express remorse. Our apologies need to say clearly that we recognize the harm we have done, that we feel badly about it, and that we are determined not to do the same thing again. Here are some examples:

• “In telling that embarrassing story about you, I know I hurt you. I recognize that I might also have damaged our friendship, which makes me feel terrible. I am so sorry. I really want to try to never do that again, to you or anyone.”

• “I know that by not calling to tell you that I would be home late, I made you worry about me needlessly. I also broke a promise, which undermines our relationship. I am so sorry. I want to make sure I don’t do things like that because I don’t want to hurt you or us.”

• “I recognize that you asked me to turn in my work by Friday for a reason. You needed it. I imagine that by not turning it in, and not even telling you that it would be late, I created difficulties for you and for others. I am very sorry for doing that. It won’t happen again.”

Note that regret is different from remorse. When you say, “I regret what I did,” it sounds like you just wish the whole thing had never happened, but you don’t feel badly about it. That’s not enough. When someone feels hurt by your actions, he or she needs to know that you understand why your actions hurt, that you feel badly about it, and that you will try not to do it again.

Practice for this day:
Think of a mistake or hurt that you have committed that you want to apologize for. (Again, pick a small one). Write down the words that you want to say to the person you hurt that will let her or him know that you feel remorse and will try not to do something like that again.

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​Try practicing saying it out loud.

DAY 15
Thursday, September 3, 2020
Fourteenth Day of Elul 5780

Asking forgiveness from people we have hurt is a central part of t’shuvah. It’s a hard thing to do, but it is not an optional activity in preparing for the High Holy Days. Let’s get started.

In our society, we often see people making apologies that aren’t real apologies. You’ve probably experienced a non-apology or fake apology when someone says, “I’m sorry if you think I did something wrong,” or, “I’m sorry for what I did, but what you did was worse.” We need to do better than that. A real apology, from a Jewish perspective, is a sacred act. It repairs our relationship with someone we have hurt and it repairs our relationship with God.

The first step to a real apology is simply stating clearly and specifically what you did that was wrong. Here are some examples:

• “Yesterday when we were talking with other people, I told a story about you that I should have known would be embarrassing for you. That was wrong of me.”

• “I promised you that I would call you when I know I’ll be home late, but tonight I forgot and didn’t call. I should have called you. It was wrong of me not to.”

• “I owe you an apology because you asked me to turn in my work by Friday and I agreed that I would. Not only did I not give it to you, I didn’t even tell you that I would be late. I should have turned it in on time, or at least explained to you why it would be late.”

Why is it so hard to clearly state what we have done wrong when we apologize? Very simply, because we are embarrassed and we don’t want to take responsibility for our actions. Our instinct is often to deny or deflect blame when we know we have done something wrong rather than take responsibility. Jewish ethics insist that we do the opposite; it insists that we own our behavior and admit it.

Practice for this day:
Think of a mistake or hurt that you have committed that you want to apologize for. (It’s good to choose a small one. This isn’t the time to confront a big, life-altering issue.) It should be something specific that you did and the apology should be directed to a specific person. Write down the words that you want to say to that person that express what you did wrong. Be as specific as possible.

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​Try practicing saying it out loud.