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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 34.

9/21/2020

 
DAY 34
Tuesday, September 22, 2020
Fourth Day of Tishrei 5781


One of the most famous prayers of the High Holy Days – and one of the most difficult – is Untaneh Tokef. Today, we will consider the origins and content of the prayer. Tomorrow we will look at how we understand it in our lives today.

Untaneh Tokef
is a piyyut, a liturgical poem. Like other poems in the prayerbook, it is not meant as a precise statement of Jewish belief. Rather, it is intended to move us to faithful devotion and spiritual awakening. You do not have to literally believe the words in order to pray it.

There is a legend that the prayer was written by an 11th century German rabbi, Amnon of Mainz, after he was tortured for his refusal to convert to Christianity. In fact, the prayer is much older. Most scholars believe that it was written in the land of Israel around the 6th century.

The poem begins with a retelling of a story from the Talmud in which God writes in three books on Rosh Hashanah, one with the names of the completely righteous, one with the names of the completely wicked, and one with the names of everyone in between. The righteous are rewarded and the wicked are punished immediately. Everyone else has ten days to tip the scales in their favor by Yom Kippur (B. Rosh Hashanah 16b). In Unetaneh Tokef, the three books are combined into one “Book of Memories,” and it is not God, but we ourselves, who write our names into it.

The poem then describes how God decides who will die in various ways – who by fire, who by water, who by war, who by beast, and so on. This section concludes by stating that each of us can soften God’s judgment through t’shuvah, prayer, and acts of righteousness.

The poem states that God does not wish to punish us, but hopes for us to live by returning to God. It concludes by recalling that our lives are temporary and fragile – “a cloud passing by, mere dust on the wind, a dream that flies away” – but that God is limitless and infinite, “a glorious mystery none can decipher.”

The popularity of Untaneh Tokef is undoubtedly related to the beauty of the language and to the powerful image of God ruling over life and death. It is a poem intended to move us toward t’shuvah by making us mindful of our mortality and our need to change our ways to escape death.

Practice for this day:

Recall how Untaneh Tokef has struck you in the past. What is moving? What is disquieting?

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 33.

9/19/2020

 
DAY 33
Monday, September 21, 2020
Third Day of Tishrei 5781
The Fast of Gedaliah


Today is the Fast of Gedaliah. It is a minor fast day, observed only from dawn to dusk, mostly by Orthodox Jews. The fast is to lament the assassination of Gedaliah, a righteous Jewish leader who was appointed governor of Judah by the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar after he conquered the land of Israel. Gedaliah was murdered by fellow Jews who resented his collaboration with the Babylonians. As a result of his assassination, the Jews lost all autonomy in the land of Israel. Some Jews today see the story of Gedaliah as a warning against extremism.

Yom Kippur is one of only two full-day fasts in Jewish tradition. (The other is Tisha B’Av, which recalls the destruction of the First and Second Temples). On Yom Kippur, from sunset until after sunset on the next day, we abstain from eating, drinking, bathing and anointing (wearing perfume or makeup), wearing leather shoes, and sexual relations. This is in response to the verse from Torah that says, “In the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, you shall practice self-denial…for on this day, atonement shall be made for you to cleanse you of all your sins. You shall be clean before Adonai” (Leviticus 16:29-30).

People sometimes ask why they should fast on Yom Kippur, since fasting makes it harder to focus on remembering our sins and asking for forgiveness. There certainly are people who are exempt from fasting: anyone under the age thirteen (some say girls under twelve) and anyone who is sick or whose health would be imperiled by fasting.

For the rest of us, though, fasting is not a distraction, it is intended to be part of the process of Yom Kippur. We ignore our physical needs on Yom Kippur to confront our mortality. The idea is that, in order to truly feel renewed by t’shuvah, we need to be willing to let our old self die a little. By fasting, we experience a small foretaste of our own deaths so we can be reborn.

Here’s another way to understand it. Yom Kippur is intended to wear us down. We start Yom Kippur by speaking words of repentance. But do we really believe them? By fasting on Yom Kippur, we push ourselves to the brink until we realize that our very lives are at stake. We fast to help ourselves feel down to our bones that without repentance we are on a path to spiritual death. We fast to convince ourselves to change.

Practice for this day:

Decide how you wish to fast on Yom Kippur. Write down your plan now so you remain committed to your choice on Yom Kippur.

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 32.

9/18/2020

 
DAY 32
Sunday, September 20, 2020
Second Day of Tishrei 5781
Second Day of Rosh Hashanah


Today is the second day of Rosh Hashanah. In Orthodox and Conservative communities this year, the sounding of the shofar and the reciting of Avinu Malkeinu are postponed until today because the first day of Rosh Hashanah fell on Shabbat.

We are now in the final stretch of the journey toward t’shuvah. Yom Kippur is our deadline. It is now just nine days away. We have just nine days to ask the people we have hurt to forgive us. We have just nine days to ask God for forgiveness, too. In the days before Rosh Hashanah, we discussed in detail how we apologize to the people we have hurt. That step is indispensable. God is not interested in hearing our pleas for forgiveness until we have asked forgiveness from the people we have hurt.

But, once we have apologized to those people, how are we supposed to apologize to God? In the twelfth century, Rabbi Moses ben Maimon, known as the Rambam, offered this suggested prayer to ask for God’s forgiveness:

Please, God, I have sinned, I have erred, I have transgressed before You. I have done thus-and-such [state the specific things for which you seek forgiveness]. I am remorseful and ashamed of my actions and I will never do this again.
(Hilchot T’shuvah 1:1)

The Rambam says that this is the essence of confession to God. While it is good to expand upon these words, saying this is sufficient as long as it is said out loud and with sincerity. You do not need to wait until Yom Kippur to say it. You do not need to say it in a synagogue. You can make your apologies to God any time and anywhere you wish. Yom Kippur services are just the deadline, the last chance to get it done.

Why not do it now?

Practice for this day:

Recite the Rambam’s prayer for forgiveness from God. Be as specific as you can in stating the things for which you seek forgiveness. You can do this as often as you wish. It does not need to be perfect. Each time, you may find that you have a clearer sense of the actions you regret and a clearer sense of the forgiveness you want to achieve. Write down some thoughts about what you find out from doing this.

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 31.

9/17/2020

 
DAY 31
Saturday, September 19, 2020
First Day of Tishrei 5781
First Day of Rosh Hashanah


Today is Shabbat, the most holy day in Jewish tradition. It is our day of rest and our day of joyfully feeling God’s presence all around us. Today is Rosh Hashanah, the day of re-experiencing the world’s creation.

Once again, this is a day to review the work you have done to get to this point and to set your sights on where you wish to go.

Practice for this day:

Review the teachings and your responses to the practices from the first thirty days. If you have not read or completed the practices for some of the days up to this point, or for any of them, do not become discouraged. T’shuvah is a lifelong process. There are many opportunities to begin again. There is no better time to start than right now.

As you look over the teachings, are there any ideas or responses that seem particularly powerful to you? Are there any ideas or feelings you particularly want to remember? Are there any thoughts you have written that you now wish to revise?

Jot down your thoughts here:

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As we continue the journey toward t’shuvah, do you wish to make any commitments to goals you would like to achieve by Yom Kippur or beyond?

Jot down your thoughts here:

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 30.

9/16/2020

 
DAY 30
Friday, September 18, 2020
Twenty-Ninth Day of Elul 5780
Erev Rosh Hashanah


This is the last day of the month of Elul, the last day to prepare for the Days of Awe. Rosh Hashanah begins at sunset.

Today we consider the third section of the shofar service, the section called Shofarot, meaning “Shofars.” In this section, we hear the shofar as an echo of the shofar that sounded at Mount Sinai during God’s revelation of the Torah and the Ten Commandments. We also hear the shofar as a symbol of hope for the great shofar that announces the redemption of the world.

In the book of Exodus, the day of the revelation of the Torah at Mount Sinai is described: “On the third day as morning broke, there was thunder and lightening. A dense cloud was upon the mountain and there was the very loud sound of a shofar. All the people in the camp trembled” (Exodus 19:16).

The sounding of the shofar is our symbol of experiencing God. It announces the moment when we feel God palpably all around us. It also is the moment in which we see ourselves as we truly are. All at once, we know that we are a speck within a universe that is vast beyond our comprehension. At the same time, paradoxically, it is also the moment when we know ourselves to be a part of God, part of that which gives the universe purpose and meaning. With the sound of the shofar we experience deep humility and inexpressible joy all at the same time. We experience the revelation that all is One, and that we are included in it.

Practice for this day:

When in your life have you heard the metaphoric sound of the shofar? What have been your moments of feeling deeply that you are part of something far beyond yourself that gives your life meaning and hope? Was it while experiencing the beauty of the natural world? Was it while being close to the people you love? Was it a moment of deep insight or of personal transformation? Write about your shofar moments. Hold onto those moments in your life to help you find the strength in the task of t’shuvah, the task of returning yourself to the sound of the shofar.

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 29.

9/15/2020

 
DAY 29
Thursday, September 17, 2020
Twenty-Eighth Day of Elul 5780


Today, we are going to consider the second section of the shofar service, the section called Zichronot, usually translated as “Remembrance.” The word in Hebrew has the added meaning of “calling attention” or “making note of.” In this section, the sound of the shofar calls our attention to God and, just as significantly, marks the ways that God takes note of us.

The very first use of the verb “remember” in the Torah comes in the story of Noah. After Noah had spent one hundred and fifty days on the ark with all the animals he had collected, the Torah tells us that “God remembered Noah” (Genesis 8:1). The ancient rabbis wondered about this phrase. Certainly it is not possible that God had forgotten Noah before this. The rabbis interpreted it to mean that this was a turning point in the relationship between God and humanity (Rashi on Genesis 8:1).

The rabbis believed that God threatened to destroy the world with the flood because God was acting according to justice alone, and saw that human beings were wicked and deserved to be punished. It was not until God saw Noah in the ark, alone in the world, that God’s sense of compassion was aroused. In that moment, God chose forgiveness and caring over strict law and justice.

This is the sense in which we blow the shofar on Rosh Hashanah to ask God to remember us. We ask God to turn away from strict justice, by which we all must be found guilty, and to view us instead through the divine attributes of love and compassion.

At the same time that the sound of the shofar reminds God to have compassion on us, it should also awaken us to remember God. It should call us to the task of t’shuvah. The Rambam wrote in the 12th century that we should hear the shofar blasts as a wake up call that says, “Awake, awake, O sleeper, from your sleep. Arouse yourselves, slumberer, from your slumbers. Examine your deeds, return in repentance, and remember your Creator!” (Hilchot T’shuvah 3:1).

Practice for this day:

What have you forgotten? As you think about your behavior – the ways you treat people and the ways you expect others to treat you – do you find that you sometimes forget to give people the benefit of the doubt, or to forgive other people’s faults (as you see them)? Remember that we are all fallible and we all depend on others to forgive us. Think of specific scenarios in which you wish to be more forgiving. Think also of specific ways in which you need the forgiveness of other people and the forgiveness of God.

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 28.

9/14/2020

 
DAY 28
Wednesday, September 16, 2020
Twenty-Seventh Day of Elul 5780


The sounding of the shofar is the most memorable moment of Rosh Hashanah. It is the very symbol of the holiday. However, the meaning of the shofar blasts is not always well understood. The sounding of the shofar on Rosh Hashanah is divided into three parts, each with its own themes and meanings. Today, we are going to consider the first section, which is called Malchuyot, or “Sovereignty.” It reminds us how shofar blasts were used in ancient times to announce the entrance of a sovereign king.

The Malchuyot section includes the prayer we call The Great Aleinu. This prayer originated as a Rosh Hashanah prayer, but was later added to the end of every service, all year, simply as “the Aleinu.” In this prayer we accept God as the ruler of our lives and of all existence. It includes a prostration in which the prayer leaders bow, get on their knees, and place their foreheads on the ground. In ancient times, this was a sign of obeisance, humble submission, and deep respect.

This is a difficult idea for contemporary Americans to accept. We are taught to believe in the values of liberal democracy where everyone is equal under the law and each person has the right to make their own choices for their lives. We recoil at the idea of submitting ourselves to an authority who rules over us.

However, this idea of God’s sovereignty is central to the journey of t’shuvah. In order to return to the life that we intend to live, each of us has to give up the egotistical belief that we are the center of the universe. We find that this idea is a cause of selfishness and misery for ourselves and for others.

We need to accept the idea that there is a moral compass to the universe and a meaning to life that does not originate with our own ego. We accept God as sovereign as a way of modeling ourselves according to something outside ourselves – something that embodies the highest and best aspirations for the world and for all life.

Practice for this day:

Consider the central ideas or goals that motivate you in life. Do they include ideas like family, kindness, peace or justice? Do they also include striving for material wealth, power over other people, your own pleasure or prestige? We are all guided by all sorts of goals and aspirations in life. The ones we prize the most determine the kind of people we will be. Make a conscious choice about what will be sovereign over you in the coming year. Write down the aspirations to which you wish to declare loyalty and to which you will make obeisance in your life. Consider prostration as a physical embodiment of your declaration of loyalty.

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 27.

9/13/2020

 
DAY 27
Tuesday, September 15, 2020
Twenty-Sixth Day of Elul 5780


The Torah reading that we most associate with Rosh Hashanah is the story of the Binding of Isaac, called the Akeidah in Hebrew. (In traditional practice, it is read on the second day of Rosh Hashanah, but most Reform congregations read it on the first day). It is one of the most difficult stories in the entire Torah. It tells how God told Abraham, his first and most faithful follower, to sacrifice Isaac, the son Abraham had prayed to have for many years. People often ask: Of all the stories in the Torah, why do we read this one on Rosh Hashanah?

To the rabbis of the Talmud, the Akeida was, above all, a story about self-sacrifice and divine forgiveness. According to a midrash, Abraham followed God’s command to prepare Isaac as a sacrifice, but he did so with anger toward God. After God commanded Abraham to release Isaac unharmed, the midrash says that Abraham said to God, “Just as I suppressed my anger and did not talk back to You when You asked me to sacrifice Isaac, in the future, when Isaac’s descendants sin, You, too, must suppress Your anger. When they come to You in sorrow for their sins, You must remember the Binding of Isaac and forgive them!”

In the midrash, God responded to Abraham, saying, “Your children will sin and they will come to Me on Rosh Hashanah in sorrow and I will judge them. If they ask Me for forgiveness and blow on this ram’s horn, I will forgive them.”

To this, Abraham asked, “What ram’s horn?” and God said, “Turn around.” Immediately, Abraham saw the ram caught in the thicket by its horns (Genesis 22:13). Abraham sacrificed the ram in place of Isaac and its horns became the source of the shofar on Rosh Hashanah (Midrash Tanchuma Buber, Vayera 46:12).

We can respond to this story in a number of ways. We can (and should) continue to ask why God would be so cruel as to ask Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. However, the story also teaches us about forgiveness. God recognizes that terrible things happen to us in life and we are not expected to just accept them quietly. We can be angry with God. We are, though, asked to put aside our anger enough to humbly recognize our own responsibility.

When we do things that are wrong, we still have to ask forgiveness no matter how bad our situation may be. God responds to the difficulties we all face in life with compassion and with the invitation to make t’shuvah. That invitation is always open, but it is up to us to do it.

Practice for this day:

Reflect on what the Akeida says to you about releasing anger and seeking forgiveness.

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 26.

9/13/2020

 
DAY 26
Monday, September 14, 2020
Twenty-Fifth Day of Elul 5780


The prayer Avinu Malkeinu (Our Father, Our King), is possibly the most beloved and iconic of all prayers associated with the High Holy Days. The popularity of the prayer is due, at least in part, to its powerful musical settings.

The prayer comes from a story in the Talmud (B. Taanit 25b) about a deadly drought. Rabbi Eliezer, the greatest sage of his time, led the congregation in prayers to end the drought. He made twenty-four blessings in which he asked God to bring rain, but no rain fell. After Rabbi Eliezer’s failure, his younger student, Rabbi Akiva, stood before the ark and prayed with just two sentences, “Avinu Malkeinu, we have no ruler other than You. Avinu Malkeinu, for Your sake have compassion on us.” Immediately the rain fell.

The Talmud says that the rabbis looked at each other in astonishment that God had failed to answer the extended prayers of the great Rabbi Eliezer but brought rain for the simple prayer of Rabbi Akiva. In response, a voice came down from heaven saying, “It is not because this one [Akiva] is greater than that one [Eliezer]. It is because he is yielding and compassionate and the other is not.” (In later years, Akiva did come to be regarded as the greatest sage of his time.)

Because of this story, Avinu Malkeinu is seen as Judaism’s greatest prayer of humble pleading before God in a time of distress. It is a prayer in which we recognize that, in order to evoke God’s forgiveness and compassion, we ourselves must be forgiving and compassionate.

Practice for this day:

Think of times when you have been judgmental or critical toward people you thought were doing something wrong. How do moments like that make you feel about yourself? Do you feel righteous and powerful? Do you feel harsh and unyielding? Where in your body do you hold those feelings?

Imagine now that, instead of behaving in a judgmental way, you had been forgiving, humble and compassionate toward the person or people whose behavior bothered you. What outcomes would have been different? How would you feel differently about yourself? Where in your body do you feel the difference?

Letting go of ego, self-righteousness, arrogance and our tendency to be judgmental is one of the hardest tasks of t’shuvah. It can help to notice the bodily sensations we feel when we are being harshly critical and to remember the feeling of releasing judgment. Write some of your thoughts about being more yielding and compassionate toward others.

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40 Days of T'shuvah. Day 25.

9/11/2020

 
DAY 25
Sunday, September 13, 2020
Twenty-Fourth Day of Elul 5780
L'eil Selichot


Selichot is a service of penitential prayers recited late at night in the days before Rosh Hashanah. Ashkenazic Jews begin reciting these prayers on the night following the Shabbat before Rosh Hashanah. (There have to be at least three days of Selichot before Rosh Hashanah. In years when Rosh Hashanah begins on a Monday or a Tuesday, Selichot begins a week earlier.) Sephardic Jews always recite Selichot, but they start on the second day of Elul and recite the prayers on weekdays for the whole month.

Much of our preparation for the Days of Awe so far have been directed inward. We have been thinking about our mistakes and flaws and focusing on how to become a better person. That is appropriate, but it misses an important dimension of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. More than being days for putting ourselves on the therapist’s couch, these holy days are supposed to be directed outward – toward God.

At our Selichot service tonight, we will offer prayers to God that speak of the mistakes we have made and sins we have committed. We will ask God to forgive us and to be compassionate with us in remembering our sins. We address these prayers to God because we need to know that, as much as t’shuvah is about self-forgiveness, it is also about divine forgiveness. If we only seek forgiveness from ourselves, we won’t be able to escape the trap of egotism, self-involvement, and arrogance. We need to address our prayers outward to God.

Practice for this day:

The Rambam, the great Jewish philosopher and legal authority of the 12th century, put special emphasis on verbal confession to God recited out loud. Confession begins with thoughts inside of our heads, but it feels very different to actually say the words, “Please forgive me, God, for the sin I have sinned by…” than it does to just think them. When we say the words out loud it helps us to really recognize what we have done and the need to seek forgiveness. It helps us to really feel contrition for our actions. It also helps us to feel that God really hears us and forgives us.

At our Selichot service tonight, we will write down the mistakes, sins and faults for which we wish to ask God to forgive us. We will write them in the form, “Forgive me for the sin I have sinned by…” In the space below, write down your confession and say it out loud. You may wish to repeat saying what you have written several times to make sure that you really hear it.

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