(A Prayer for T'shuvah) O Lord, Forgive me first for wanting to be forgiven. Don’t judge me for the ego You gave me, The one that makes me feel deserving of attention. Instead, remember that time I held my little girl When she was crying, uncontrollably, Out of shame for having tattled on her sister. I wrapped myself around her, crying myself Softly, for the pain with which she struggled Over the trifle of an intemperate word. How I wished I could feel such remorse. I told her, “There, there. It’s all alright. You didn’t do anything wrong. I forgive you.” But I thought I was the one who needed forgiving. We taught her to be good, but without warning her About the regret that tastes like loneliness. Remember that and forgive me, too, O Lord. |
This is the problem that Moses had as he delivers his farewell address to the Israelites. He knew that after his death the people would tend to forget the things he had taught them. They would lapse into familiar and comfortable habits, losing their resolve to maintain their covenant with God.
Moses said to them: Be silent and listen, Israel, this day you have become the people of Adonai your God. Listen to the voice of Adonai your God and do God’s mitzvot and laws, which I enjoin upon you today. (Deuteronomy 27:9-10) Rashi reads this verse and asks, Why does Moses say "this day"? The Israelites had been called God's people since they were slaves in Egypt. Why should Moses claim that "this day" is the day they became "the people of Adonai your God"? In answer, Rashi says, "You should regard every day as if it were the day you entered the covenant." That is the secret of maintaining resolve. We should not think of our commitment to change as something that we do only once with the expectation that it will last. Each day needs to be the first day. Discipline requires that there be a moment in each day in which we clarify our intention to ourselves. Each day requires an intentional choice to choose the life we want. That may be what prayer is really all about. We don't pray to God because God needs to hear our words. We don't even have to assume that God is listening to us when we pray. We pray so that we will hear our own words of commitment and determination about the kind of life we want to live. Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev, the author of Kedushat Levi, went even further. He said in a comment on this week's Torah portion (Ki Tavo) that we should believe that "each and every breath we take carries with it the breath of God that keeps us alive." Every breath we take, he said, is a new moment of creation in which we are like Adam, a freshly created being filled with intimate awareness of God's presence. As we prepare for the coming of Rosh Hashanah, the birthday of the world, we can take a moment each day to meditate on our own rebirth. We can renew our resolve to make the changes we need with every breath. Let every breath be a discreet moment, a new chance to renew commitment and covenant. With each breath, we can see ourselves as a new creation. Other Posts on This Topic: Counting from Freedom to Covenant: Discipline
Now that is something to cry about because it is a disgrace, a worldwide disgrace. This God has not done enough to cure that, I think. It may, possibly, be time for God to answer some questions.
So, God, how do You handle promises that You made when You were full of optimism about creation that You have not been able to keep? What do You say when people ask You about disease, war, earthquakes, biochemical weapons and AIDS? Did somebody else create those? How do You handle that? How do You—You know—account for the mess that the world is today? Well, I know even Your own supporters were very disappointed when You didn't stop the genocides in Armenia, Cambodia, Rwanda, Bosnia-Herzegovina and Sudan—not to mention Chelmno, Sobibor, Treblinka and Aushwitz. We had so much faith in You. But when we look at all the death, misery and… What do you mean, "Shut up"? Okay. We thought, maybe it was part of some larger plan, but I've got to to hand it to You, God. I have to give credit where credit is due. You did also give us sunshine, flowers, food to eat and the earth to live on—but did You also have to give us scoliosis, television commercials, 21 flavors of Doritos, lawyers and Donald Trump? I know You denounce evil—sometimes You even call evil an "abhorrence"—and that's okay. But You once thought slavery was a good idea. You said that a man who raped an unmarried woman should be required to marry her. You even commanded us to kill—down to the very last woman, child and animal—the people who lived in the land You gave us. Can You admit now that that was not such a good idea? Those are not such popular statements today, and they're killing Your polling numbers. It is something to be thought about. I think, yeah… No, I am not going to shut up. It's my turn to speak now. So anyway, we're going to have to have a little chat about that in two weeks. You're asking me to ask You for forgiveness on Rosh Hashanah? That just doesn't seem right when You have stuff like this on Your record. That's crazy. You're absolutely crazy. You're sounding like a bad Sunday school teacher. You sound like a lawyer. You know, they're always taught to argue everything, and always weigh everything—weigh both sides. They are always being a devil's advocate and finding bad things in good people. You know all that stuff. But, I think it is maybe time—what do you think—for maybe a more compassionate approach. How about that? A God of compassion. A God who is stellar at forgiveness, not fault-finding. And I think it's that time. I think you should just let Your judging side step aside and let forgiveness kind of take over. The judgment side can still get to sit on a throne and wear a crown—maybe a smaller one, though. But let the compassion and forgiveness run the show from now own. After all, You are a God who likes to forgive, right? Why would you want to be punishing people all the time, especially after all the pain and suffering You have caused? Tell You what. I'll make a deal with You. If You will forgive me and all the people all over the world for all the mistakes we've made—all the bad choices, and all the hurt we've caused each other, and all the hurt we've done to ourselves—then, maybe, we'll forgive You, too. How does that sound? Do we have a deal? OK, well anyway. All right, I'm sorry. Just…think about it. |
WelcomeThis blog is about living a joyful Jewish life and bringing joy to synagogues and the Jewish community. Join the conversation by commenting on posts and sharing your experiences. For more on the topic, read the First Post.
Recent PostsPurim & COVID-19
The Honor of Heaven Chasing Our Own Tails Drilling Under Your Seat Change the World Self-Righteousness Where We Came From What We Must Believe Is Passover 7 or 8 Days?Origin Story Va'eira: Leadership Jeff's Favorites• First Post
• Searching for How the Bible Defines Marriage • The Difference between God and Religion • In the Beginning of What? • Rape, Abortion and Judaism • Ten Thoughts about Being a Rabbi • Temple Dues and Don'ts • A Pesach Lesson from Yoga • The Purpose of the Torah Torah PortionsGenesis
Bereshit Noach Lech Lecha Vayera Chayei Sarah Toledot Vayetze Vayishlach Vayeshev Miketz Vayigash Vayechi Exodus Shemot Va'eira Bo Beshalach Yitro Mishpatim Terumah Tetzaveh Ki Tisa Vayakhel Pekudei Leviticus Vayikra Tzav Shemini Tazria Metzora Acharei Mot Kedoshim Emor Behar Bechukotai Numbers Bamidbar Naso Beha'alotecha Shelach Korach Chukat Balak Pinchas Matot Masei Deuteronomy Devarim Va'etchanan Ekev Re'eh Shoftim Ki Tetze Ki Tavo Nitzavim Vayelech Ha'azinu Vezot Haberachah Holidays Shabbat Rosh Chodesh Pesach/Passover Omer Period Yom HaShoah Yom HaZikaron Yom Ha'atzma'ut Pesach Sheini Lag B'Omer Yom Yerushalayim Shavuot Fast of Tammuz Tisha B'Av Tu B'Av Rosh Hashanah Days of Awe Yom Kippur Sukkot Hoshanah Rabbah Shmini Atzeret/ Simchat Torah Chanukah Tu BiShvat Adar (Joy Increases!) Purim Archives
October 2023
Loading
|